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Amy Lopez |
So what's a lady to do?
Two women in Amarillo were willing to come out from behind their screen names on Internet dating sites to share their experiences of trying to find a partner in cyberspace.
Amy Lopez, who grew up in the small Texas town of Three Way, has tried several dating services offered through the Internet.
Lopez, 45, tried Yahoo Personals, plentyoffish.com, eHarmony.com and Match.com. Match.com was the one that worked best for her, she said. "The profile gives you a lot more choices and it matches you up. There is a chart there, so you can actually see how you match each other."
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Debbie Moore |
Lopez said that in her first week on the service, she had 1,032 hits and it took almost a month to wade through them.
Going to a dating site on the Web wasn't her idea.
"I had a really good friend who talked me into it because that's how she met who she is dating so that's the only reason I got on," she said.
Lopez said she hasn't had trouble getting asked out, although Amarillo has its limitations.
"The only place to go is a bar. There is nothing else in Amarillo," she said. "I've never met anybody in a bar and dated them. If I go to a bar, the ones who hit on me are in their 20s because that's who's out. There is not really a bar or a place to dance for older people."
Debbie Moore, an Amarillo native, has been Internet dating for five years and is a regular on Match.com and has had experience on Yahoo Personals. She gives Internet dating mixed reviews.
Both Moore and Lopez have a wide range of friends and contacts, but their experiences have been different. Like Lopez, Moore was set up on Match.com by a friend and Moore said she was leery at first.
"I've been here all my life and I practically know a lot of people," she said. "I guess I wanted to try something different."
Her Internet dating has led her to only two serious prospects, neither of whom panned out. Moore attributes her lack of success on Match.com to her tendency to be picky.
"I've had some good, and I've had some bad, experiences," she said, adding that most of her bad experiences have come from being stereotyped. "If you don't have money or a steady job, then some men aren't interested."
Moore isn't as active as she used to be, although she still takes the time to "wink" at someone on Match.com. "If there is somebody interesting on there, I will usually say I'm tired of e-mailing, let's talk on the phone. We will exchange phone numbers, but it usually turns out to be nothing."
Moore said she doesn't date a lot and hasn't been out on a romantic date in a while.
"I haven't really had a genuine date, which I would love to. I would like to see what it would be like but haven't really had someone pick me up as a date and wine and dine me."
Lopez said she gets asked out frequently, but finding a fit is a different story.
Lopez said she was first married at age 23. It lasted 14 years. She didn't discuss how the first marriage ended but said her second time around ended because her husband was out of town a lot because of his work. After two marriages, Lopez said she wanted to wait a while before getting into a committed relationship again.
"In fact, I purposely dated people who were nice and fun but not commitment-oriented," she said. "I've finally reached a point where I think I am ready."
Lopez has been screening her matches carefully, looking for someone intelligent, who has some life experience and who is artistic.
"It's hard when you are artistic and you're with somebody that's not," she said. "They really don't understand it."
Lopez also has two children so, while she isn't looking for a replacement father for her children, she wants a good role model.
While Lopez and Moore are on the same path for finding the perfect companion and some of their experiences have been similar, they have faced some encounters they found distasteful.
Lopez said she has never had an e-mail containing suggestive language, but she was approached once by a married man.
"On Plentyoffish is the only time I've had a married man contact me and he was upfront. He lived here in Amarillo, he was married and was looking for something else," Lopez said.
Moore's experience with another site has been different.
On several occasions she has been approached by men who are seeking a relationship on sexual terms only. The sexual requests have come mostly from single men but also from those involved in a relationship, she said.
And for Lopez, the expensive and heavily advertised eHarmony.com — the first site she joined — was disappointing. She was on the site for six months and got no matches, she said.
"So when I called them and said what's the deal, I'm paying all this money, I don't have any matches. And they said they wait until they actually find someone that matches you. And I was like, dadgum, I was right, there really isn't anybody. They said that if I hung on, eventually they would find somebody."
Lopez said she has had friends with the ultimate good Internet fortune.
"In fact, one of my friends, who got on Match.com exactly when I did, and two weeks later met some guy who lived in Pampa, is getting married in June," she said.
But for Lopez, the search continues.
For Moore, not so much.
Although Moore hasn't found what she is looking for, she said she would continue to keep her profile up because she enjoys meeting people from other states and learning about their lives. She has contacted people from all over, sometimes just to discuss the weather.
"I really don't have time for it anymore. And I have come to the conclusion that if the good Lord wants me to find Mr. Right, I will."
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Posted: February 14, 2008
