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Opinion Across The Fence Teens need to learn rules are there for a reason It is an understood fact that to reach adulthood, young males must pass through a transition known as puberty.
Here in America we've tagged that particular time in their development from somewhere around 13 to 19 years of age. Let it be known that I've always been fond of boys. I grew up playing with as many boys as girls. That's because there were usually more of them around. They didn't exclude me on the basis of gender, so I learned to play marbles and baseball as well as jacks and jump rope. My growing up years were alternately blessed and marred by the presence of a younger brother. He was incredibly tiny and cute when he came home from the hospital. At slightly more than five pounds, he wasn't much bigger than my favorite doll. My unhappiness over his replacement of my "baby" in the bassinet was short lived. God also graced my life with two nephews, the elder only 11 years younger than I am. He was one of the best "babies" of all. As the aunt, I had the pleasure of playing with him, helping him learn his alphabet, teaching him how to ride a motorcycle and being a trusted confidant through his teenage years. All of this experience should have prepared me for my current role in life, but I'm afraid it hasn't. Almost 16 years ago a wrinkly, wriggly bundle of humanity was placed in my arms. I was given the honor — and responsibility — of cutting the umbilical cord. But first I simply held him in my arms. I marveled at the passage of my daughter from a similar tiny piece of life into the glory of motherhood. While I was watching him and blinking back tears, he opened his eyes and looked directly into mine. In that instant, he grabbed hold of my heart and he's never let go. Since he was the first, DJ basked in my undivided attention for a full 14 months before his brother arrived. There are those in the family who will say that he is and always has been the favorite. That's not true at all. You see, while I love him as deeply and dearly as ever, I don't always like him very much these days. The "Terrible Two's" don't hold a candle to the "Troublesome Teens." At some point this past year, my lovable, cuddly, "scratch-my-back, please" boy has turned into a lanky, hormone-driven, know-it-all teenager. To complicate matters, the State of Texas recently issued him a permit to allow him to "learn to drive." That seemingly insignificant piece of paper has transformed him. He seems to believe that its mere presence in his wallet endows him with the magical power to be the undisputed master of his universe. Unfortunately, he doesn't yet have the experience or knowledge to provide him with proficiency. Moreover, the surge in DJ's feeling of power has been matched by a dive in his appreciation for my ability to provide reasonable guidelines and judgment. The struggle isn't new. It's been going on for generations. I watched with amusement as my parents dealt with my brother. I chuckled when my brother and sister-in-law faced similar times with my nephews. I persevered when my daughters were teenagers, reassuring myself that the phase would pass. But this is tougher, and it's no longer amusing. It's hard balancing my role as doting grandmother with my duty as single parent. As the adult-in-charge, I'm responsible for their safety, guidance, nurturing, and discipline. And there's not a teenager around who doesn't resist rules. At heart, I know he's a good boy. He makes decent grades, participates in sports, works part-time and helps out around the house. He's capable and he's smart, but he doesn't understand his own vulnerability. Like most teenagers, he thinks he's indestructible. I know better. There are people on the road, young and old, who don't pay close attention. They are distracted by cell phones, MP3 players, conversation, and the next errand on the list. When I put the keys in his hand for his first solo, they'll be on the road with him. Right now he thinks there are too many rules governing his life. He needs to understand that rules play a role in an orderly society. He needs to acknowledge his responsibility to follow those rules, both at home and on the road. He needs to accept that most often rules are put in place for his safety. And he needs to know that above, below and beyond everything else, I love him. Kathie Greer: Columnist and consultant for the Amarillo Independent. She can be reached at kathie@amarilloindy.com. E-mail
comments about this story Posted: February 21, 2008
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