A Father's Cry

Dads need to make best of situation

One of the most frequent calls I get is "Hey Clark, can we meet at Roasters for a cup of coffee?" And I usually respond, "Soncy or Wolfin?" which means, "You bet. Name the time."

Columnist Dave Clark

As I go about the state or other countries, the question for me has seemed to be about how to be a healthy father when so many dads rarely even have the opportunity to be an effective father.

A friend recently told me, "Dave, I appreciate all the things you're doing and saying because it fills a void prevalent in our society — the raising and training of fathers. But, the anguish I feel in not being present for my children escalates when I read about ideal fathering. And really, some of your articles hit too close to home, and I actually get mad at you. And, well, it is that you should continue writing. Write your book Clark.

"But chances are I'm one of many displaced fathers. Whether we're cowards or not, thoughts on ideal fathering do not help."

We know that not all dads can understand all the frustrations that divorced dads may go through — men who still strive to make the best out of an imperfect situation. Other dads can only imagine what it must be like to deal with custody, child support, or other conflicts that come with a divorce.

You may feel pain and regret; you may be angry and for good reason; you may feel like your insides are raw with stinging sadness. Maybe the best advice is to do all you can to turn negative energy into positive. Use your adrenaline from negative emotions to claim a firm resolve to be the father your children need. Channel moments of regret into creative planning times for connecting positively with your children.

A friend of mine, "Steve," is a divorced dad who has done just that. In the midst of a bitter battle with his ex-wife, he has written this heartfelt poem, called "Daddy's Dream:"

Though I'm not there to turn off the light,
To tuck you in and kiss you goodnight,
To read a book, or get you a drink,
It's you I love, and of you I think.
If you were here, I'd give you a squeeze,
And ask if you could give me one please.
So to the day we'd say our good-byes.
As we lay down and close our eyes.

Dad, whatever your situation, hang in there. Your kids need you.

Dave Clark: Columnist for the Amarillo Independent. Send comments to news@amarilloindy.com.

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Posted: March 20, 2008