Opinion

Across The Fence

Unexpected answer brings blessings

I've always known that God answered prayers, but I didn't fully appreciate the Creator's sense of humor until about five years ago.

Columnist Kathie Greer

For background, you should understand that I passed the half-century mark in my life in April 2001. There was something about that milestone that altered my perspective. I'd always joked with my daughters about what I was going to “be" when I grew up. Suddenly I was faced with the unalterable fact that I “am" a grown-up, whether I liked it or not.

After a very short amount of consideration, I embraced the fact, found a copy of the poem by Jenny Joseph that declares “When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple …" and began practicing the advantages of growing older.

In this highly enlightened state, I took up my prayer journal one evening and proceeded to tell God that I thought I had finally reached a mature place of harmony and common sense where I'd be able to handle an “adult" relationship. Then I proceeded to list, very specifically, the traits I was looking for in this companion for my “golden" years.

I'm not kidding when I say I was specific.

I determined that this individual should be independent and dependable, intelligent, adventurous and athletic, a hard worker in possession of a wonderful sense of humor, a lover of animals (especially dogs and horses) and an outdoor enthusiast with a passion for traveling. This person should also have a curious nature, appreciate good books, movies and theater, get along well with children and, finally, should have twinkling blue eyes. In my infinite wisdom, unflagging egoism and midlife fantasy, I meant that I'd like to have an adult partner.

I should have been more specific.

On my 51st birthday, my most unexpected gift arrived on my doorstep. It was a blond-haired, blue-eyed, jock who was the embodiment of everything that I'd requested in a companion.

But at that time, he was only 9 years old.

Zachoree, otherwise known lovingly as Zee the Number Two grandson, suddenly and unexpectedly had come to live with me.

It took a few months for the dust to clear and for me to fully begin to appreciate the Creator's infinite wisdom and wicked sense of humor.

No other situation in my life has presented me with so many blessings and so many challenges.

The circumstances of the event are no longer important. What is true for me today is that I was given exactly what I'd requested and that Zach and I belonged together. I found that I needed him and his presence in my life every bit as much as he needed me and the stability of a permanent home.

Two years ago, his older brother Dylan joined our household and the three of us have formed a solid family unit. A platoon of other family members, including mother, dad, other siblings, aunts, uncles and other grandparents and great-grandparents currently provide on-going and much appreciated support, but the day-to-day details are left to the three of us.

Parenting as grandparent has presented some unique challenges. One of them was clearly underscored when Zee informed me that I used to be a really awesome grandmother, but I was pretty lousy as a parent.

I became a grandmother early in the fourth decade of my life. My plan was to become exceptional at that particular assignment. And, obviously, I did.

Unfortunately, it's not easy for the “spoiler" to become the “disciplinarian." And it's not easy for grandchildren to understand the role change, or the internal conflicts created when it happens.

It has to be even more difficult for them to watch me in my old role as “Babbe" when the other five grandchildren come to visit. For the others, I still have the luxury of being the full-time grandparent. It's not often with Dylan and Zach that I can step fully away from the parental figure, and some days I feel that they're being cheated.

I've discovered that I'm not alone in this midlife experience. According to a brief authored by Tavia Simmons and Jane Lawler Dye based on the 2000 census and issued in October 2003, about 2.5 million other grandparents are currently raising grandchildren. Most of us are between 50 and 60 years old. And more of us live in the southern and the western parts of the country than in the northern or eastern regions.

Grandparents raising their grandchildren is not a new phenomenon, but the numbers have almost doubled since 1970. And they aren't likely to decrease soon.

Zach is 14 years old now and an 8th grader. He is usually on the A&B honor roll, he participates in several sports and has a sense of humor that keeps me smiling. Dylan, 15, is a sophomore at Tascosa High School. He's also an athlete, a community volunteer and holds down a part-time job while making pretty good grades. The three of us keep working on the details of our life together, and we rely on communication and a lot of love to help us fill the gaps.

If you have information on support groups for grandparents who are full-time providers and caretakers for grandchildren, I'd appreciate hearing from you. In the meantime, please remember us in your prayers. And be careful what you ask for; you may be surprised by God's answer.

Kathie Greer is a free-lance writer, columnist and consultant. Contact her at 331-5066 or kathie@amarilloindy.com. Your letters, comments, questions or responses are welcome.

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Posted: September 13, 2007